For those of you experimenting with forgiveness as a way to increase your happiness. Here is a framework of 4 Rs I think about regarding the process of forgiveness. What’s your experience? A
dd your comments at leave a reply.
- Recognition– This first step requires some reflection. You sometimes can see when things are not right either with another or within yourself, though you may not recognize your part in the situation. When things aren’t going as hoped for, it’s worth asking yourself “What is/was my role in this?” instead of blaming circumstances, others and “I’m busy.” When this question is answered thoughtfully, a lot of information can be gathered.
- Responsibility– Once you recognize your role in an argument, a disappointment, unfulfilled commitments etc., you need to take responsibility. In addition to seeing your role in a situation, you need to be able to state it to yourself and to the other you may have wronged. For example, on occasion, I have to acknowledge to my husband that I did not follow up on a request, not just let it be swept under the rug, forgotten about or fester.
- Remorse– What if you see your role and take responsibility, but then say “oh well, it happens.” It’s hard to forgive someone if there is no sense of remorse – no recognition that perhaps they could have done better, or at least differently. There is also very little incentive to improve your actions if you accept things with indifference. I feel regretful when I don’t follow through and when I sound snippy. This discomfort prompts my desire to change so that I can reclaim a level of respect for myself; I like being reliable.
- Response/Repair– What’s next? Sometimes a sincere apology is appropriate and often a change in your behavior is required. Ask yourself and the person affect, “What is the change needed?” With this information you can make a better plan for the future. Whatever the change is to be, remember that change requires conscious effort and may need to take place in small steps overtime. These small modifications can lead to reverberating changes for the better.
So what’s the benefit of all this? Sincerely asking for forgiveness from yourself and others is like de-cluttering, it removes a psychic weight, and prevents destruction of your heart. In so doing it frees you up for a revitalized life.
For support on your journey to well-being through forgiveness, contact me.
Dina, 203.744.YOU3 (9683)
