The Change Cycle, as referred to by Martha Beck, starts with the stage of “death and rebirth.” I’ve been reading Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star and this concept really struck me. Two of my 3 children are preparing for new colleges, one as a freshman and one as a sophomore transfer; my oldest one is already at school. We have lots of change happening. What Beck is referring to is the death of one identity and the formation and birth of another.
The beginning of change involves a lot of upheaval and confusion, grieving over the loss of familiar roles and situations while stumbling to figure out new roles. Somehow, no matter how much we prepare and anticipate, there are always surprises and challenges that greet us in our new situations, even happy ones like becoming an empty nester while kids grow up and mature.
In some ways, we must mourn the old life to make room for who we are becoming in our emerging identities. Yet, to me there is no need for a “death” of that identity, but rather a transformation. One of the things I strive for in my own life, and that of my clients, is letting go in order for there to be room in our lives for renewal. There is often discomfort and confusion when we release the familiar, especially when what is next may not be clear. It is important to remember that while this stage may feel endless, it is temporary. Reconnecting with what is important to us in the present helps us emerge from this stage with a greater sense of purpose and direction. As we move forward we can integrate various aspects of ourselves into the renewed life we are creating.
For my kids, myself and you, I hope our times of change bring about integration and revitalization. There will be confusion and upheaval along the way; perhaps this is when having the support of a coach is vital so that you can move forward and do what is necessary to live your best life.
For support and guidance on your journey to the renewed you, contact me.
Dina 203 744-9683
