Change is in the Air

The crisp nights of the end of summer are upon us in New England with the gorgeous warm, even hot days and cool nights, autumn is around the corner.  The seasonal change is beginning to reflect last week’s post related to change beginning with a “death and rebirth” being a time of great confusion as we seem to see at this time of year with the hurricanes. Soon we will see what appears deathlike with the barren trees, along the way though the leaves will become brilliant colors trying to catch the limited sunlight.

For me, the change is empty nesting; since my kids are not too far away I will get to see them about monthly. Over the last 20 plus years, I have spent the majority of my time, energy and thoughts on my family. I suspect that my family will remain central to where I put my mental energy, but I already see the change in how I will spend my day to day time, and as a result my identity will evolve again.

As we make changes in our lives we can anticipate that there will be feelings of loss.  Even the small changes can lead to big impacts on how we see ourselves and how we behave in the world. Here are some recommendations from Martha Beck for getting through this tumultuous first stage of change which she refers to as death and rebirth:

• Let Go – let go of routine and the known; this may require you to get comfortable with abandonment, even abandoning parts of your identity; but refuse to abandon who you are at your core. One of my friends put it this way, “I was at then of my rope and felt like I was holding on so tight for dear life, but when I let go, the struggle was over” and this was accompanied by the open arms reminding us of birds in flight.
• Keep reconnecting with what’s important to you and who you are in the most authentic sense.
• Make small changes and gather information.
• Stay present, with what is going on, how you are reacting and short term decisions for now; try not to anticipate too far into the future, this is not the time for long term decisions.
• Reframe the way you think about the identity loss – know that confusion is naturally part of the growth process; it is Okay for you to not know what is going on and not know where you will end up.
• To this I add, Be humble and curious. There is something about this combination which opens us up to possibility.  Humility, knowing we don’t know it all, and curiosity allow, even encourage, exploration.

If you or anyone you know is looking to make changes to revitalize who you are at work or elsewhere in your life, contact me for support and guidance.

Dina 203 744-YOU3 (9683)