Be Yourself, Avoid Social Comparison

Social comparison is a thief of joy. As fall arrives, school resumes and your work demands pick up, so does the awareness of others.  Frequently comparing yourself with others, whether it is about summer activities or how prepared you are for the autumn, or other matters, can be fatiguing and lead to nurse and physician burnout.  A subtle sense of competition may even be brewing which can undermine some teamwork and create a sense of isolation. Avoiding social comparison is an important piece of self-care.

First the good news about social comparison. Human beings are social animals who rely heavily on observation. In many ways awareness of others helps regulate how you behave.  As physicians and nurses you need to have a heightened ability to observe others. You use your powers of observation to look for how and where does a behavior or symptom fit in, and it is likely you do this with yourself as well. This noticing and comparing does not always occur on a conscious level.

If you habitually compare yourself to others, you may end up developing a ranking system in which you are always feeling either inferior or superior to others.  Often these comparisons are not based on a big picture of the other and are related to isolated aspects.  The internal dialogue might go something like this, “She’s got it all together, she gets up and exercises every morning before coming in.  I can barely make it up and out the door on time; I’m such a slacker. What kind of example am I setting for a healthy lifestyle for my family and patients?”

Given the social focus of being human, here are a few ideas to alleviate physician and nurse burnout related to social comparison.

• Stop and notice what is going on. – Pay attention to the internal dialogue and notice when you are engaging in social comparison.
• Take stock of your values around the issue. – On the one hand, it is great to want to do better and have a nicer home or whatever the focus, but really, is the item you are focused on so important to you now?
• If the area of focus matters, what is one thing you can do to get closer to the desired goal?
• For perfectionists, do compare, it can be valuable to notice what coworkers are doing to gain some perspective. Are your fellow physicians really making as many RVUs as you imagined? At times, noticing others can ground you in reality and provide a sense of what may be “good enough.” This can help you make a shift from perfectionist to “optimalist.”

What helps you overcome social comparison and be yourself?  Leave a comment and let us know. To develop strategies to be yourself more often and diminish the negative effects of social comparison, contact me.

“Be Yourself, No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong. And by the way, yourself is petty terrific.” Snoopy, from a card hanging on my bulletin board.