In the last week, this phrase has come up several times with people. So many times when things don’t go as planned, expected or hoped for, the initial response is anger. Sometimes we’ll even think things like “that SOB, Why didn’t s/he….” and personalize what occurred.
It is important to experience emotion without necessarily acting on it or spreading it to others. So, what do you do? Remember that you have choice regarding how you want to behave. We remind our patients of choice when encouraging them to take on healthier behaviors, even when they would rather emote; so too we have to do this for ourselves. Often this requires you take a few breaths, count to ten or even take a break prior to responding within the offending situation.
Invoking curiosity can get you closer to a desired outcome. Here are some potential questions.
- Where do we go from here?
- What made you choose to do that?
- What could be made more clear, so this doesn’t happen again?
- What are the current alternatives so that we can make the overall goal (be specific for the instance) come into being?
There’s something about this approach that has gotten my coaching clients and friends closer to what they desired. There was recognition of the frustration and anger about things not being as they “should have been” and even some letting off of steam prior to approaching the people they were working with. A couple of people particularly noted that blame was not the focus, but rather solution. One person even commented that she had fewer regrets about her behavior and didn’t have to go back and apologize or “repent” for how she acted.
This is the season of repentance* and forgiveness in the Jewish calendar. We are taught to review and repent on a daily basis, yet this time of year is especially set aside for internal accounting of our behavior and commiting to positive changes where necessary. Working with a healthcare coach can speed your way to a more positive life. Be Curious Not Furious even with yourself and see how you might be able to improve your life not just a specific situation.
Click on the text bubble on the linked page, and share a time when you were curious and it worked to your benefit.
To reconnect with your well-being and live with ease in alignment with your values, contact me directly or join Rx for Physician Happiness.
Revitalize Your Life,
Dina, 203.744.YOU3 (9683)
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*Repentance[1] is the activity of reviewing one’s actions and feeling contrition or regret for past wrongs.[2] It generally[citation needed] involves a commitment to personal change and the resolve to live a more responsible and humane life.
