In your work as a physician or nurse there are some clear boundaries regarding what you share with patients. That being said, it is important to let yourself feel what comes up for you even in the challenging moments. When you cut yourself off from the difficult emotions you set up a pattern of shutting yourself off from all emotions. This has a deadening effect which leads physicians and nurses to burnout, and shows up as depersonalization, referring to patients as the dx or the room number, or even by sarcastic remarks.
Emotions inform and enliven us. Obviously not everything needs to be shared, and yet, there is value in sharing some of the feelings that come up through your being empathetic and compassionate. In the process you connect with your own humanity and vulnerability, not always fun, and you can connect with the patient as well. This reduces the sense of isolation for both of you.
Beyond work, self-disclosure of thoughts and feelings is critical for the development of friendships, especially among women.* Equally important is your listening to what is important to your colleague, friend or significant other. While you may be used to being an expert and authority at work, it is important to hold back from giving unsolicited advice. You demonstrate trust in the other when you restrain on giving advice. If you feel a need to give advice, first ask.
All of these ideas hold true and more so for our primary relationships. Responding with active enthusiasm to good news for your spouse and close friends tells them you’re rooting for them and care about their welfare and good fortune. Expressing genuine joy for the other person’s good fortune is more important in the long run than just be their in times of need.
What are some ways that you let yourself be known? Please let us know, we can all learn. You can leave comments by clicking the text bubble at the top of the blog post. For a more personal approach to developing strategies for being and working with others more effectively and with more authenticity, contact me.
Dina, 203.744.YOU3 (9683)
Revitalize Your Life
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* Lyubomirsky, Sonja, The How of Happiness, Penguin, 2007, p. 148.
