I feel like I’m being liberated. Over the past several years I’ve had to admit a dirty little secret to myself. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. As a high achiever and someone with high standards, I had a tacit belief that things would always fall into place.
I didn’t realize I was a perfectionist. I’m not compulsive about my house being clean and neat, nor about my schedule being precise. The situation is more subtle. As an idealist I always wanted to do what was right and helpful for others. Being a nurse, I thought I would solve people’s problems and have a big impact on the quality of their lives. Being a mom, a nurse and a community activist there was always so much more that could be done. I knew intellectually I would have challenges but somehow, on a deeper level they came as surprises to me. I thought that working hard, being responsible, happily married with healthy kids and a good job, what looked like the perfect life, should mean feeling perfect too.
Notice the word “thought.” This would distance me from the real feelings below the surface, perhaps disappointment, sense of failure, anger. These difficult, uncomfortable feelings did not belong in my perfect version of my life, let alone within me. I often I ended up feeling like I was not enough, not a good enough nurse, not a good enough mom, not a good enough community member.
This subtle perfectionism is something I see with a lot of health care professionals. You probably wanted to help people in a tangible way and started out hopeful and idealistic. Then you came up against your limited set of tools and patient limitations, along with pressure to provide the answers and cures for patients even when there are none. Overtime this is discouraging, and some of you may feel like you’re not enough – not good enough as a chiropractor, dentist, physician and provider; the feeling may spill over to other areas in your lives.
Tal Ben-Shahar recommends moving from perfectionist to optimalist. A shift which takes into account your present reality, feelings and values. To learn more about this check out Being Happy. For support moving toward optimalism, contact me.
Dina 203.744.YOU3 (9683)
