Welcome to February the month focused on love. When you think about burnout, especially as it relates to work, love may seem far from what you experience or desire. Just the thought of this may arouse an acknowledgement of how far you are from experiencing love at work, and perhaps in your burnout state you’re having difficulty experiencing love in other relationships too.
Barbara Fredrickson, PhD, a researcher in positive psychology at UNC offers a radical new definition of love related to the momentary experience of connection with another person. In her book, Love 2.0 she talks about “positivity resonance” and notes that we can experience this with multiple people throughout the day. This definition of love recognizes how fleeting the experience can be. She discusses these as micro-moments of love.*
Given that relationships are the most important aspect of your life for happiness, and much of what health care providers do is dependent on your relationships, what can you do to enhance your relationships?
Appreciate the Positive and the Positive Appreciates – The word appreciate has two meanings. One is to be grateful and the other is to grow in value. When you acknowledge the positive that you see in another, you bring it to the forefront of your mind and train yourself to see more positives. When you let the other person know, you reinforce it. Your investment in letting your co-worker or your patient know what you see as positive will help it grow to be more present.
Be Kind – Kindness smooths our relations. It is a basis for getting along with others. You may be thinking this is obvious, yet it is often overlooked. When a colleague doesn’t do what is expected, you can point this out with kindness rather than with insult. Open with appreciation; this will put you in a kinder state of mind and also help the listener to be more open to what you say next. No blaming, share your observation and perhaps even get curious as to what led the person to do what s/he did.
Relate with thoughtful effort and time – Whether at work or at home, most relationships take time to nurture and build trust. The old saying, “Put yourself in another’s shoes” goes a long way in helping you to be kind and increasing your understanding and appreciation of another.
What do you do that builds positive connections at work?
This may not be love, but it will be more pleasant. For more ways to improve your relationships and live with more joy, contact me.
Revitalize Your Life,
Dina, Well-Being Coach
203.744.YOU3 (9683)
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“Accentuate the positive – Eliminate the negative. Latch on to the affirmative. Don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.”
—Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer
*Fredrickson, Barbara, Ph.D., Love 2.0, Hudson Street Press, New York, 2013, p. 37
